18 Feb 2008 04:01:31 | Sheree S. Marty, BSE, MA
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
Whether parent or teacher, we have all "been there" and "done
that" with a child exhibiting refusal behaviors. Before "losing
your cool" and your power as well, interventions and strategies
are provided for use to help deescalate this classic power
struggle.
-Avoid placing yourself in a stand-off situation with the child.
-Don’t “mark a line in the sand” unless prepared to follow
through with the consequences on your own. Creating a demand
situation….“You will sit in your seat or I will call someone to
seat you”….will cause the authority figure to lose his/her
power. This is a main goal of oppositional children…personal
control over their environment.
-Under a demand situation, especially with authority figures, an
oppositional child will be more likely to escalate to extreme
opposition. Stop talking. Give the child a chance to detach from
the situation with some power. Problem-solving the situation
when both parties are calm will prove more productive.
-Phrase requests which are more likely to bring an oppositional
response with a negative statement…”I don’t expect you would
want to….” Or “You probably wouldn’t want to…..”
-Create a situation where it is more worth the child’s while to
be part of.
-Use distraction.
-Give choices which give the student some control.
-Give the student a specific leadership role during stressful
transitions, such as day
care dismissal. Monitoring younger children for appropriate
dismissal behavior, such as sitting quietly, would be an example
of a specific leadership role.
These children can be extremely challenging. Should a pattern
of continuing emotionality become evident, additional advice
from professionals, such as the child's pediatrician or a school
guidance counselor, would be recommended in order to develop a
positive behavior support system to help ensure behavioral
success.
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