If you want to make sure your prospects stay GLUED to your sales copy once they start reading, then this is the most exciting and important message you will ever read!

Keeping your prospects glued to your sales copy isn't easy, but remember what I said yesterday:

The sole purpose of your first paragraph is to get you to read your second paragraph. And being the smart marketer you are, you therefore "automatically" know, the purpose of your second paragraph is...

Correct!

The purpose of the second paragraph is to get you to read the third paragraph.

Good going there sunshine -- no need to bring you back from the dead -- at least not yet anyway.

So today we'll look at the second paragraph of our mock display ad.

Again, you can check out that original ad (and even print out a copy of it) right here:

http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/real_estate_ad_071505.htm

The second paragraph says, "We have developed a completely unique real esate system which not only helps our agents easily earn over $100,000 a year, but also pro-vides exceptional service for our many clients."

Good things about this: BLuntly, any goodness this paragraph delivers is completely submarined by the one completely stupid and amateurish move this writer made.

And here it is:

As soon as you started saying "WE have developed", your immediately started raising your prospects "bullshit" detector.

See, right away, your telling them...

THIS IS A SALES PITCH!

Which completely nullifies anything going on that's actually good here.

When you write your sales copy, although there are exceptions to the rule (like when you're telling a story about yourself, for example), you want to write this glowing review about your product, as if it was coming from an unbiased and neutral third party -- someone with NO vested interest.

Also, I'm not sure "providing exceptional service" is something that's a primary benefit to realtors who may be interested in this product.

It may be a benefit, but it's probably not something you'd highlight in your display ad.

Here's something I might say instead:

"You see, an amazing new prospecting system has recently been developed that totally turns the tables on your sellers and buyers. Instead of worrying about where you're going to find your next seller, using this system, your sellers end up being the one's HOPING to find you!"

And so, from the beginning, your copy so far, would read like this:

"If you are a highly motivated real estate agent with a burning desire to increase your commissions by at least $100,000 dollars in the next six months -- regardless of what level you're at now -- and if you're sick and tired of dealing with buyers and sellers who really aren't as sincere as you felt they were up-front... and you've had it "up to here" with people trying to whittle your commissions down to practically nothing... then this is the most exciting and important message you will ever read!

You see, an amazing new prospecting system has recently been developed that totally turns the tables on your sellers and buyers. Instead of worrying about where you're going to find your next seller, using this system, the sellers end up being the one's hoping to find you!"

Tomorrow we'll check out how to continue on with this paragraph, and we'll see what else you must include in your sales pitches, so they're a little more convincing than those beauty pageant contestants who all say "World Peace" whenever they're asked what their one wish is.

If you check out this tip online, you'll be able to see the italics and emphasis I've placed on certain words for pausing and sounding purposes.

You can see that here:

http://tinyurl.com/98ojw

Now go sell something,

Craig Garber http://www.KingOfCopy.com

P.S. Check out all the prior archives you've been

missing, right here at: http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/tiparchives.html