Sharing a Life By Marilyn Mackenzie

What most couples forget as they spend hours and hours and weeks and weeks on planning a wedding is that they must also plan a life after the wedding. Just as much time - or more - must be spent talking about the important things in life. Each one's views on issues needs to be addressed.

Are you a creature of habit? Do you insist that your kitchen cupboards be arranged in a certain way? Do you have a fit if your toiletries are tucked away rather than cluttering up the bathroom counter? Does it matter to you which way the toilet paper is place on the roll? Must you have liquid soap rather than bar soap? Are you a Republican or Democrat? Do you get actively involved in politics, or just ignore everything until it's time to vote? Do you always vote, or never?

While none of these things by and of themselves, will wreck most marriages, they could be the beginning point of arguments in the newlywed home. Being forewarned about and aware of your mate's idiosyncrasies will help your future remain a bright one. Knowing what the "must have's" and "boy would I like to have's" of each individual is important.

After the wedding ceremony and honeymoon are over and the glow that go with them, couples are thrust back into the real world. While your mate may have known that you like to get up early to jog in the park each morning, she may not have realize how early. He may not have realized that her morning routine included thirty minutes just on fixing her hair.

Even couples who have lived together are often surprised at the difference a marriage makes. The courting rituals are finally over and the real selves are revealed. Sometimes that comes as quite a surprise.

One couple, married for two years now, recently relived one of their minor disagreements. It involved the preparing of federal income tax forms.

Her preference was to prepare the tax forms in January as soon as all the necessary information was available. In her mind, if money was owed, that gave them a few months to save the money for taxes or for a 401K.

His preference was to always wait until the last few days before taxes were due. He won on that issue.

When she was single, she always attacked the preparation of filing income tax papers in one sitting, even if that meant staying up late to get them done.

He, on the other hand, rarely ever went to bed late. If, after spending a few hours on tax preparation, the clock suddenly chimed 10:30 or 11 p.m., he set the work aside to be completed the next day after work. Even if only fifteen or twenty more minutes were required to complete the task, he was content in tucking them away until the next day.

That one difference came to light in the second year of their marriage - again - and was a bigger problem the second year than it had been the first. The first time they filed a joint tax return, they had only been married a few months and were still in the "newlywed" frame of mind. The second year, the masks had come off and the real selves had been revealed. The differences in how they attacked this or any similar task was now a contention, not just a hurdle.

Uncle Sam isn't going to come between this couple. They have a lifetime commitment to each other and to their marriage. Still, they realized after this second attempt at working together to complete their tax forms that they should have addressed this issue before the second year came around again.

And that's really what each couple should do. When something gets in the way of marital harmony, it may not always make sense to address the issue during the heat of the moment. But the disagreement should be documented and discussed at a later date, when both parties can be more rational about it.

Opposites do definitely attract. That's proven over and over again, as people walk down the aisle or stand in front of a judge or justice of the peace to be married. But how, and if, we used those differences to our benefit in marriage and in life is what is important.

Have you discussed the important things with your intended spouse? Don't you think it's time that you did? How life will progress after the wedding is really more important than whether or not you have a flower girl in the wedding.

Marilyn Mackenzie has been writing about home, family, faith and nature for over 40 years.