18 Feb 2008 04:37:37 | Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
This is one of the stories my Dad loved to tell, even when he
was gravely ill and in the hospital.
When my father went to camp at age 12, he was voted: ˇThe
laziest ˇThe least deserving. ˇThe least likely to succeed.
Perhaps this was because he was tall and placed with boys
several years older than he. Ironically, he was probably the
least lazy, the most deserving, and one of the most successful
people I have ever known. My Dad was a loving husband, a loving
father, and certainly a loving son. Beyond these roles and all
of his connections with others, I believe he was an encourager
of the human spirit. He was a realist who truly saw untapped
potential in everyone who crossed his path--even me!
I remember him saying that persistence and perspiration would
help me meet my goals. He loved to explain that most
accomplishments are "Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one
percent inspiration." For example, when I was a teenager he
would help me wake up at 5:00 AM if I had homework to finish.
"Take a shower, have something to eat and then get back to
task." He was always there to ease my burden but not take it
away. My responsibilities were my own to meet, not his. How
could he be helpful but not do my job--Proofreading? Driving me
to school late? Brainstorming a topic? He never however, did
work for me--it was mine to do. Like all good teachers he never
promised that he could remove my pain. He taught that I could
live with the pain and get beyond it.
He was always my teacher. He taught me how to polish my shoes
and to count my packages as I shopped so I would know how many
things I had with me. Above all he taught me determination.
Never give up. You can do it!
A perfect example was my first year at teaching. I had a
difficult child in my large class of second graders. My
discipline was going down the drain. I felt overwhelmed. Dad
suggested that I go to my principal and ask to have the child
moved to another classroom, where there was a more experienced
teacher. "Dad," I asked, "How can I do that?" "You can and you
should," He replied, "Why should you carry a load that will set
you up for failure your first year?" Reluctantly, I went to the
principal. He was a bit miffed but he did transfer the child and
I had a great teaching experience.
My "pater" was also a teacher by example. The last few months of
his life, my father reinforced that object lesson, by never
giving up and by always maintaining his dignity, his smile, his
wave of encouragement, and even his sense of humor. How ironic,
even laughable, was the vote that he received in camp!
Joanne Yelenik, the daughter of Harry Jackson, one of my
father's favorite cousins, talks about a wise woman who
commented that when a great person dies we should go out and
grab the sparks that his soul gives off, once he is finally
freed from the constraints of illness. My Dad would want you to
grab the enthusiasm that he felt toward each of us, the
potential in each of us. He would want us to grab his sense of
commitment and run, but like a true teacher, in the end he would
leave you alone to discover that although this faith and
connection to each of us is with us forever, your success is
your own!
Remember dear Enchanted Self readers—the ball is in your
court. Go and run with it, keeping your capacity for a positive
attitude alive and strong by remembering:
ˇThe glass is half full. ˇYou are unique. ˇYou have untapped
potential. ˇThe world needs your gifts. ˇThe Joy Ride is waiting
for you.
About Author :
Dr. Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self and a
psychologist since 1981. She is the author of two books: The
Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy and Recipes for Enchantment,
The Secret Ingredient is YOU! Dr. Holstein speaks on radio, and
appears on television in NY and NJ. She gives lectures,
seminars, retreats and audio interviews on LadybugLive.com and
is in private practice in Long Branch, NJ with her husband, Dr.
Russell Holstein.