14 Mar 2008 02:21:36 | Valerie Zilinsky
Yesterday, my daughter arrived home from a visit with her
grandparents. My heart broke when I saw her, wearing a huge lump
on her forehead, tears streaming down her face. It seems she did
a somersault - on a stairway. Actually, my son had let his ball
roll down the stairway accidentally, and she was trying to be
nice and retrieve it for him. As she neared the bottom of the
stairs, she tumbled forward down three steps.
It's moments like that when we wish we were magic. Why couldn't
I say “Abracadabra!” and make all the hurt go away? I think the
bump and scratch bothered me more than it did her. She kept
telling me that it's ok, she was fine. She sure didn't look
fine! Aren't I supposed to be the protector? Why wasn't I there
to catch her, or to keep her away from the stairs? Speaking to
my mother on the phone yesterday evening, I found I wasn't the
only one feeling guilty. I had to reassure my mother that it
wasn't her fault, while battling my own feelings of guilt.
The truth is, no matter how hard we try, we can't protect our
children from every fall. But we can be there to pick them up,
dry their tears, and help them to keep going. And things could
have been much worse. I keep having dreadful thoughts of how
badly she could have been hurt. We were extremely lucky that the
worst she got was a lump on her head.
Every time my children are sick or hurt, I feel I should be able
to fix it all. My daughter makes it clear to me that she doesn't
need me to be "supermom" - she just needs to know that I'm there
for her. With the maturity that her almost-five years has
brought her, she kept telling me that she was okay, it didn't
hurt, and the lump was getting smaller. Who was reassuring whom
here? I was re-learning another truth of parenthood at that
moment... we are not only here to teach our children, but our
children are here to teach us. My daughter was reminding me that
all she needs from me is my love, and the rest will work itself
out.
I held her tight and hugged her, put ice on her forehead, gave
her some medicine for the pain, and finally tucked her into bed
last night. It was a long and restless night, and I did not feel
better until she woke up this morning with a smile on her face,
with nothing more than a scratch to remind us of her fall.
She's constantly teaching me lessons. When life happens, and we
take a tumble, we will get back up again and keep going. We will
help each other, because that's what families are for. Today, I
found myself being overprotective of her, like she is more
fragile now than she was yesterday. Part of me wishes I can keep
her hidden under my protective wing forever, but I know I must
let her live and experience life, while reassuring her that I'm
right here when she needs me.
As I helped her zip up her jacket and put on her mittens and hat
to go play with her brother today in our backyard, I had to
remind her that somersaults are only to be done in gymnastics
class, not on stairways. This got a chuckle out of her, as she
replied, "But mom, it WAS a good somersault!"
She's always the optimist - the sunshine of our lives.
About Author :
Valerie Zilinsky is a married mother of two young children, and
'WebMom' of http://www.RaisingOurKids.com