14 Mar 2008 02:10:56 | Saleem Rana
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Forgiveness breaks all bounds of repression and depression. It
liberates the psyche from bondage to the past.
In fact, I would rank forgiveness as the essence of
psychotherapy.
As human beings all our limitations arise from our psychic
wounding. This wound has been either intentional or accidental,
but it drains our vitality. In fact, if it has been grievous
enough, it runs our whole life, and ruins it.
We are creatures designed to absorb and transmit love, and when
an unloving act is foisted on us, when someone or something
casts a shadow on our capacity to love, we bleed.
War zones, jails, and insane asylums are where the wounded
gather. This is where society sends its broken souls. Those who
regain their capacity to love will emerge from these places of
grief. Those who remain bitter will forever be incarcerated in
them, whether or not they have been physically freed.
Those who are whole and well are dedicated to their capacity to
love. They cannot kill, hurt, injure or maim another because
they have not lost their capacity to see themselves as the
other. Ideals do not sway them to injure others, no matter how
vaulted the traditions in which those ideals are espoused. No
ideal transcends their ideal to be of love and service to their
brethren.
The cure for overcoming psychic wounding is to forgive. When we
forgive, we pardon; we express mercy; and we liberate our own
kindness.
When you forgive, you give forth your power of love to heal the
image, memory, or person that distorted your self-image and gave
you the false belief that you have been diminished,
disempowered, and disenfranchised.
It is the wounded who strike out and wound others. It is the
shadow of their own pain that they cast upon others. It is their
unlovingness that they extend out of their crippled psyche. They
become conduits for the poison that they themselves despise.
All forms of malice, ill-will and cruelty, euphemized in the
name of some lofty ideal, come forth from those who speak in the
names of righteousness; the crucifixion of Christ could not have
come about except for the distorted sense of what is right by
the persecutors.
If an act is unloving, no ideal can justify it, for to wound
another is to wound ourselves. We create pathos in our wake. We
spill grief before us.
How to forgive the unforgivable? How to release the sword of
ill-will thrust into our hearts? How to break free of the
resentment that has bound our tormentors these many years?
You do it by simply understanding that to for give is a healing
for you. It is breaking the karmic bonds. It is an act of
self-loving. Forgiveness heals pity, brings reconciliation to
that which is broken within, and makes healing possible.
An act of forgiveness can be silent. In fact, it has little to
do with the other person. They may or may not feel the psychic
release as you drop your smoldering anger, nourished over more
years than you care to remember.
When you forgive, you release...you release yourself. You
release your attachment to pain. You release your aversion to
the act done to you. And when you do this, something magical
happens. You set yourself free.
It is never about whether the other person or event deserves
your forgiveness. It is about your going free from your own web
of negativity. When you forgive, you staunch the bleeding. When
you forgive, you open up your heart and regain your capacity to
love. And when you learn to love, your life opens up like a
glorious dream. The question, ultimately, is never whether you
should or should not forgive...instead the question is always
this: do you deserve to be happy right now by letting it go.
About Author :
Saleem Rana, M.Sc., is a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. If
you’re interested in signing up for a free 35 week NLP Mindset
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