I’m sorry but I am so busy I’ll have to cancel our meeting. I’m sorry but I can’t come on the course with you on Saturday because I am a bit short of money right now. I’m sorry but I just don’t have any energy. I just need a holiday and then I will be fine. I’m sorry but nothing appears to be working out at the moment. I’m sorry but………. These are some of the numerous excuses people have used to us over the years. Do any of these sound familiar to you? Is this the way you run your life? Do you feel as though you are constantly chasing your tail. Is your life full of excuses?

A few years ago Jane came into our lives. Julie had advertised for a sales person and Jane applied. First glance told you she was having a hard time. Although clean and smartly dressed, her clothes had seen better days and her shoes although clean and polished were down at heel and in need of replacement. However she was really good at the interview, had a really lovely attitude and Julie decided to give her the job. It was one of the best decisions Julie has ever made.

It later transpired that Jane had answered Julie’s advertisement at the end of her tether. She had reached the bottom. Nothing was going right for her. She had blamed all the world for the state she was in. For the failure in her relationship. For the collapse of her business. For the mounting bills she could not pay. But she had come to realise that she could either continue in this ‘blame culture’ or take responsibility for herself and her life. Fortunately, she chose the latter.

The first thing she realised was, to improve her situation she had to change. Obviously what she was currently doing wasn’t working so there had to be another way. She had graduated on dreams, wishes, hopes and waiting for other people to act. None had produced the goods. All that was left was to take a hard look at herself and change whatever it was that was causing the problem. Over a period of time She came to realise that the problem was her. Her belief in herself. She had lost it. In all the turmoil she had forgotten herself. Once she had acknowledged to herself that her life was not right, change was possible and natural.

Julie got her to focus on what she was good at. Her ability to build relationships very quickly. Her ability to gain people’s trust quickly. Her honesty. Her genuine love for others. Her ability to listen deeply without interruption. Her ability to sell. Gradually as she sold more and more product, her confidence returned. She started to overcome the self doubt and the fears. She started to believe in herself again.

Gradually Jane got back on her feet again. Repaid all her debts and took a mortgage on a small flat. Then when she felt she was ready she left to return to the love in her life: buying and selling antique lace. Jane recently found a new man to share her life with and she is now confidently living her dream.

When you lack confidence all the world seems to be against you and you seem to get caught in a downward spiral. Just look at sportspeople when their confidence is low they stop winning, they stop being able to do what was second nature to them before. Frustration takes over and when frustration is the master then the world goes pear shaped. It becomes everybody else’s fault. It’s the same with you. Confidence is the key.

But how do you get your confidence back? Usually either with someone believing in you and reminding you of your talents or by taking a good look at yourself and remembering what you are good at. Your strengths if you like.

Then practice. Going back to the training field and re-practicing all you strengths until they become second nature again. Do what Jane did. Put yourself in a position where you have to practice day in day out and gradually you will regain confidence in your strengths. It is strange but sportspeople accept that the way to develop and grow is through practice but in everyday life we think that we can just get on with it. Let me give you an example.

A few years ago Julie and I used to teach a meditation course. At the beginning of the course we would explain the benefits of meditation and suggest that each person starts with five minutes in the morning and if possible five minutes in the evening. Within a week or two students would be ’phoning us to tell us that were no longer attending the course because they found that they could not meditate. They had sat down but found it impossible to concentrate and decided that it was not for them. You see, they were unwilling to practice. We don’t know anyone who is able to sit down and meditate immediately. It takes time and practice like everything else in life.

Often to regain your confidence you have to change your attitude. We have learned that there is no such thing as I can’t……. there is only I couldn’t be bothered or I am unwilling to put the time in at the moment or I won’t because…….I don’t have time……..I couldn’t possibly………..It’s no use ……I’ve tried but…….To get your confidence back you have to put in effort on yourself. You have to identify your strengths and keep practicing. You have to desire a different life. A different way of living.

Use: of course when…. instead of I’m sorry but …..

Graham and Julie www.desktop-mediation.com