Take a moment to think back to when you first met your partner.

Remember how that felt? That warm, sunny glow that seemed to spill over into everything? No doubt your partner did things that weren't perfect, no doubt they exhibited some of the  characteristics then that you find so irritating now.

What changed? Many things I imagine, but significantly, your perspective.

What may have been a minor irritation back then may well be a major flaw by now. Strangely enough, the things people find endearing in their partners to start with can become major frustrations down the track.

At first we like that our partner is different to us, it complements us, balances us. As time goes by, those same differences become flaws.

Jane and Bill have been together a while. Bill used to describe Jane as sensitive, warm and free spirited. He now sees her as over-emotional, soppy and disorganised.

Same traits, different spin. Why? What's changed?

Bill's focus and perspective. He used to love how Jane's personality complemented his. Now it drives him nuts. If he could try and recapture some of his old perspective, he may well see Jane's so called flaws in a whole new light.

Often what people find so annoying now is the very thing they were drawn to at first. Look at the relationship as objectively as you can. Can you see how you complement each other? How you balance each other out?

Remember as a child creating a whirlpool in a swimming pool?

Constant movement in one direction produced a force that carried you along. You got stuck in a pattern of behaviour. The momentum propelled you forward.

Relationships can be like that, either positively or negatively. They can be propelled by either negative or positive energy. The more negative you create, the more the pattern continues.

Remember in that pool what it was like when you turned around? That pattern was hard to swim against. So too is negativity hard to turn around. But once a pattern is established, the momentum carries you onwards and upwards.

Momentum can be changed two ways - through either thought or action. Thought is not the same as feelings or emotions. These ebb and flow like the tide. Thought is fairly constant.

No doubt you still love your partner on some level, even if you are having problems. When a relationship stumbles, we often try to recapture the emotion. Emotions are fleeting, they are a by product of our thoughts.

Action however, is a powerful way to recapture those feelings. If you act lovingly, your partner responds lovingly, which produces loving feelings. Action first, feeling second.

How do you act lovingly toward your partner? How do you show them how they are loved? Do you know how they liked to be loved? What is important here is how they liked to be loved, not necessarily how you want to express it.

Ask them. You may be surprised. It may be long walks, massage, dinners out, who knows? They do. Don't assume - ask. It's a powerful question that deserves a response. Just think how it would feel to be asked that! It shows real commitment to the relationship.

Act as if you feel loving. The loving thoughts will come. Any and every relationship has periods of feeling disconnected. Don't panic.

It will come back. Choose to focus and concentrate on the positive, fun aspects of your relationship. Give out what you want to receive back.

Keep trying. Good long term relationships see the bad patches through. http://www.saveyourmarriagecourse.com/lifepurpose.html?lnum=2158