10 Mar 2008 12:20:31 | Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, THE EQ COACH
I belong to a yahoogroup of coaches and right now the topic is
how to get organized. One coach writes that he’s using Outlook
Express for his email and email address list, Time & Order for
his address book, calendar, datebook and to-do list
(synchronizing, he says, between PS and daytimer), and
MindMappit for brainstorming/lists.” Someone replies that
they’re an infj and to remember to focus on people and
relationships. A third one replies they wouldn’t want to be a
‘type’ and there’s probably a name for that type, and she uses
…etc.”
My son swears by his Palm Pilot, except he left it here on his
last visit. I use a combination of this and that, and still
missed a dental appointment the other day.
The point is, we all have too much to do, and we all feel we
need to get better organized.
What will get us organized once and for all? Such perfection is
not possible. If it were, that would be your life – making
lists, making checkmarks, and transferring data and information
around. There on your daytimer at 8:04 p.m. would be “Kiss my
son goodnight.” Intuitively we all know we don’t want to end up
there!
So what can you do that’s helpful and reasonable? There are so
many systems out there, you’d have to get organized to get
organized to shop for one. Instead try these things my clients
have found successful:
1.Mary observed carefully someone she considered like herself in
personality, only well-organized. She watched how they kept
track of things, asked them about their systems and tools, and
then did the same thing with good results.
2.Tom told me he was disorganized and praised his officemate,
Richard. When I quizzed him, he couldn’t zero in on anything but
the fact that he was not as organized as Richard. I assigned him
to observe Richard and ask him some questions. Turned out
Richard thought he was disorganized, missed things from time to
time, but didn’t worry about it because he was doing the best he
could. Tom then quit comparing himself to other people, took a
long look at what things were actually impeding his progress,
and devised a system to get himself organized enough to be
satisfied.
3. Keely told me about all her tools – Palm Pilot, Outlook
Express, Best Day Ever, Don’t Die at 50 calendar, etc. I asked
her what she was organizing and she said “my life,” but she
couldn’t break it down. You can have the tools but if you don’t
have a map of the territory, you’re just digging a hole instead
of digging for gold. We made a list of categories and her values
regarding them -- Home, Work, Relationships, EQ, Travel, Debt
Reduction, Yard, Car. The details weren’t hard to fill in, and
she had the tools. The meaning and purpose of the big picture
helped her make use of the tools.
4.Neil wanted to get organized. When we talked, I couldn’t see
anywhere where he wasn’t organized. “What do you want to get
organized about?” I asked. “I missed picking up my clothes at
the cleaners the other day, he said. “That’s not like me.” Neil
needed to work on his perfectionism. He had narrowed his life so
much in order to accommodate his perfectionism that his life was
relatively empty and always disappointing. The point of getting
organized is to enhance your life, not vice versa.
5.Nucha began coaching by saying, “I hate this,” and “I know you
can’t help me.” With such a pessimistic attitude, how could she
succeed at anything? She needed to work on her emotional
intelligence and learn a more optimistic attitude!
6.Emilil said she couldn’t prioritize. I told her to write down
everything she did for the next two weeks. When she returned,
she’d figured it out! We are prioritizing all the time, whether
we’re conscious of it or not. Get conscious about it is the
beginning. If you want to see what your values are, look at your
checkbook and see what you write check for. With awareness comes
change, and a sense of control.
7.Candee wanted to get organized because she said she always
forgot things and didn’t get things done. When I asked her “Like
what?” she could only come up with a couple of things … failing
to buy MacIntosh apples on the last trip to the grocery, not
remembering her uncle’s birthday. I asked her to make a full
list of the things she was NOT doing. When faced with that
assignment, she realized the absurdity of it, and that perhaps
she was worrying just for the sake of worrying. She entered
birthdays on Clock-Calendar, and found a new grocery-list system
that worked.
8.Nancy said she had too much to do and I asked her to tell me.
After talking for 10 minutes she said, “This is ridiculous. I
can’t do all this.” Sometimes you need to hear yourself talk to
see how things really are! She immediately took action. She got
a low-maintenance hairstyle, found new homes for 3 of her 5
pets; shopped online and used gift bags instead going to the
mall and then wrapping; and she quit baking homemade bread,
which no one in her family noticed for 3 weeks.
Whatever organizational state you’re in, get the big picture
organized first, and then go get the tools. Work with a coach
for quicker results.
About Author :
©Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, THE EQ COACH,
http://www.susandunn.cc. Emotional intelligence coaching to
enhance every aspect of your life, applicable to career,
relationships, midlife transition, organization and life
balance. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezines. Put “EQ
Personal” or “EQ in the Workplace”, or both, for the subject
line.