09 Mar 2008 03:50:23 | ezines@senn-sational.com
Very few people would argue with the fact that creating
successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges
we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can
become even more challenging when they end. But is it really
necessary to break down when you break up?
Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to
re-build your life on your own.
1. Become firmly grounded in the present moment.
If you find yourself on the other side of a relationship, it is
important that you have a deep awareness of what you are feeling
in the present moment. Continually check in with yourself.
Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing
emotional upset. Your body is always in the present, but where
is your mind?
It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past
replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality
is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile.
Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around the thought
that both of you were operating to the best of your ability,
given the circumstances, at any moment in time. Equally futile
is casting your mind into the future, wondering what life could
have, would have, should have been like had you stayed with your
partner. The truth is that your future is going to look somewhat
different to what you may have previously anticipated. Do your
best to accept it.
If you manage to stay in the present moment, most of the pain
you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming
from one state of being to another. It's not going to be easy.
Whether your new state of being is a good one largely comes down
to the choices you make. If you take responsibility for where
you are right now you will slowly begin to see you life unfold
as it should.
2. Breaking up with someone is a creative as well as a
destructive process.
It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation is
necessarily an act of destruction'.
Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend,
boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much as it
is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing is
deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating your
life where your partner takes on a different role to the one
they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even decide that
your partner will have no future role in your life.
This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be
profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an
opportunity to start over. If it feels right for you, completely
immerse yourself into the creative process. Take the opportunity
to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well
astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your own.
3. Allow yourself to regenerate.
If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty of
time to regenerate. Focus on the things that you can control.
Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get
plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends
and spend plenty of time in nature.
Take things slowly, look after yourself and create the time and
space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start growing
again.
Remember two things.
However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is of
critical importance that you remember two things;
i)be kind to yourself and ii)be kind to your ex-partner.
Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending
compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely in
the healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully
human, doing the best you can to navigate through this world.
Copyright Damien Senn 2005. All rights reserved.
About Author :
Damien Senn is a Life and Business Coach as well as a fully
qualified Chartered Accountant. 
