Copyright 2005 Sonia Devine

Do you wish you had high self-confidence? Some of us go through our life fighting against that feeling that we are just ‘not good enough’. We convince ourselves that we don’t matter and that we don’t deserve to amount to anything…..but what price do we pay? The fact is that many people are lacking is self-esteem, yet feel powerless to do anything about it. Poor self esteem needs to be addressed with a vengeance; it affects your emotional and physical wellbeing and really reduces the quality of your life. So it’s time to take action and raise the bar right now. Here are some tips to help you get started:

ONE: "Not Good Enough’ compared To Whom?

Fair question? Alright then…I have a challenge for you: The next time you start to berate yourself for ‘not being good enough’, I want you to ask yourself: ‘what exactly is my benchmark’? Be specific; to what or whom, have you compared yourself to reach the conclusion that you are not good enough? If you can learn nothing else from reading this article, then know this; constantly comparing yourself with other people is a no-win exercise! So the next time you fall into this futile habit, take a breath and say to yourself:

"I like and respect myself exactly as I am"

TWO: Everybody Hates Me

‘Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I’m going out the back to eat worms...’ Do you remember that song? As children, we used to sing this over and over, and then fall to the ground laughing hysterically...but the sad truth is that feeling as though the world is against you is no laughing matter. So how do you get around that feeling? Well, one way is to cultivate the habit of assumption. Here’s how it works;

I meet lots of new people every week in my line of work. Now, I could get myself into a fluster worrying about whether or not they will like me and whether or not they will respect my opinion….but I know from experience, that this is futile. So to make my life easier, I make a conscious effort to assume then every person I meet will like me...and that I will like them.

This technique works because what you give out comes back to you; communication is 55% body language, and people pick up on your internal signals. Think how much easier it is going to be to always meet people who like you! It certainly beats being in a constant state of panic.

THREE: What if what if what if

Are you a ‘what-if-maniac’? Do you imagine the worst possible scenario for every situation you encounter? If so, you could be worrying yourself into an early grave. Next time you get an attack of the ‘what-ifs’, I would like you to create in your mind’s eye, a ‘What-if-box’. This box has a one way opening, and each time you have a negative thought or emotion of the catastrophizing kind, send it straight through that one-way opening of your what-if-box. The worrying thoughts will still be there if you need to go back and re-visit them, so just let them stay in the box; and while they are in there, you will be free to get on with the important things in your life!

FOUR: Know Thy Self

What does self-esteem mean for you? What do you need to do, say or be to gain greater confidence and self-reliance? More importantly, how can you improve if you don’t know this? You need to get clear about what you want and only then can you begin to make plans to get it. Write it down and while you are doing this, remember to write down what you want, not what you don’t want. This is the language your subconscious mind understands.

When you concentrate on self-development and make plans, you gain a sense of control over your destiny, and it helps you to feel better about yourself. So start writing today!

FIVE: Stand Tall

Do you stand with your back straight and your shoulders square? Or do you look at the ground when you walk and hunch over? If you want to be confident, then start with your body language. Send the message to your subconscious mind that you matter; watch your physical posture – straighten up, walk tall and look other people straight in the eye when you talk to them. You’ll be amazed at how this small thing can make all the difference; and furthermore, other people will sense your charisma-oozing body language and begin to treat you differently. Try this today; it works!