What is advertising?

Is it salesmanship in print? Brand building? Communication? A function of marketing? Art? Science?

While the gurus have been debating for years, those of us in the trenches know what advertising is all about.

It's about bitching. And moaning. And whining. And jealousy. And big egos.

But the art of bitching is dying, my friends.

Trade journals are peppered with asinine press releases.

Mr Geek is promoted as CMO of FallopianTube . Ms Herrfurher is now Chief Creative Grand Dragon at Foot, Toe and Bleeding. Mr Martian Soreyell has gobbled another agency in Papua New Guinea. Ms Firebreathing client sacked McCanned Erectile Dysfunction because the agency's account executive broke wind during a presentation.

Sure these insightful nuggets of information are interesting, but where is the glorious mud slinging?

Who cogged what ad from which show book? Which media guy has body odour that would make a skunk run for cover? Who entered ghost ads ? In what shows? Who is the anonymous junior designer whose layout was filched by her burnt out creative director?

The list is endless. But where is the will to whine?

I suggest we take a stand against this rampant political correctness and start a revolution. Take baby steps. You have technology on your side.

Set up a blog without disclosing your name. Send an anonymous mail. Post under a pseudonym in forums.

Rant, rave, revile. Slander, vilify, denigrate.

At first, you'll be labeled as petty minded, a troublemaker, a tattletale. Soon you'll find yourself banished to the outer edges of the lunatic fringe. Pay no heed. All great thinkers (bitching does require that your neurons fire rapidly in all directions) were seen as crazy.

And years from now, if your gossip blog about advertising wins the Nobel Prize for Literature, please do remember to mention my name in your acceptance speech.