08 Mar 2008 12:28:38 | Karl Augustine
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but
it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving
the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to
assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for
the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the
reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless
marriage.
But, before you jump right to the easy way out and decide on
divorce, you should got through the process of making sure that
you have logically thought through long-term implications of
ending the loveless marriage.
Being in a loveless marriage and deciding whether to get a
divorce based on this one fact alone is a misuse of an
opportunity. Its not like deciding whether to stay married due
to an extramarital affair or other marriage problems like abuse
or living in a sexless marriage, choosing the right divorce
decision when it comes to a loveless marriage is a totally
different situation.
The opportunity is great to grow personally that is present when
you're deciding about divorce because of being in a loveless
marriage. Let's take a look at some of the items that are
relevant to this situation regarding a loveless marriage and how
you can approach this time in your life from a mature standpoint
and come to the right choice while growing at the same time.
Loveless marriage item 1: Define love as you see it and assess
whether or not your spouse agrees somewhat with you, at least in
a complementary fashion.
For a loveless marriage to be assessed properly, making sure
your idea or definition of love is "clear" is a solid way to
make sure that you know what you've lost. And, if your spouses
idea of what love is differs from yours so much that you both
can't somewhat reap the benefits of love, you may need
counseling to get to the root issue of your loveless marriage.
Loveless marriage item 2: Make sure that you are in fact out of
love before you go further with steps to divorce or try to work
it out.
Ask yourself, "Am I really out of love or am I giving up?".
Keeping love alive can take work and strong communication with
yourself and spouse. List the reasons why you think you're out
of love and decide if those reasons prohibit a rekindling of
love, assuming you were actually in love at some point. Being in
a loveless marriage doesn't necessarily mean that it has to stay
that way!
Loveless marriage item 3: Decide if you were ever really in love
as you define love.
Your loveless marriage could have always been loveless, you may
have just been to distracted to notice. You may have received
other benefits from being with your spouse in the past that you
aren’t getting now and that could be why you're frustrated and
living in a loveless marriage.
Of course, if you were in fact in love with your spouse at one
time in the past, you both might not have done what needs to be
done to keep love alive. Before you do anything about your
loveless marriage, make sure you understand how your idea of
love may have changed over time, and really contemplate if you
were really ever in love.
Loveless marriage item 4: Assessing whether or not you need to
be in love to stay married and if so, can your love be
re-kindled?
This item regarding a loveless marriage is a crucial point in
your decision making process. Some people stay married even when
they are in a loveless marriage because the benefits they get
from being married psychologically outweigh the need for love.
These benefits could many things and could stem from lack of
self confidence, money, fear of loneliness, etc.
If you're a person who needs love to stay married, make sure
that you really think about how rejuvenate the love in your
loveless marriage before you decide on divorce. If you're
struggling regarding a decision about your loveless marriage, it
means that it is worth fighting for.
If you really do soul searching and talk with your spouse openly
about the lack of zest in your marriage in the hopes of making
it better, you may find that your spouse feels the same way that
you do!
Being a loveless marriage can be a drain on your day to day
energy if you need love to stay happily married. If your
marriage is worth it to you, be mature about the situation and
do all you can to rekindle the love before you do anything else.
If you do, you'll grow personally as will your spouse regardless
whether or not you get a divorce.
About Author :
Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce", the eBook recommended by counselors to thier clients.
deciding on
divorce.com