29 Feb 2008 07:05:52 | dan the roommate man
The Trial Period.
When you first set up your household, there should be a period
of time in which you and your roommate(s) concentrate on just
being yourselves and living the way you want (within reason, of
course). Do not try to anticipate your roommate's likes and
dislikes. If you have always listened to the stereo for an hour
before falling asleep, now is not the time to change the habit
just because you don't think your roommate will like it. The
idea is to do the things you want to do and feel comfortable
doing.
Likes And Dislikes.
During the trial period, keep a list (mentally or on paper) of
the things your roommate does that bug you, and things you think
are terrific. Don't get hung up on the negatives. If you think
the fact that your roomie can smile first thing in the morning
is great, tell them so. By the same token, if the sound of Bruce
Springsteen at 6:00 a.m. makes you queasy, now is the time to
talk about it.
Reevaluation.
After a week or two of "doing what comes naturally," and making
your respective lists, you should set aside some time for a long
talk about the ways your living styles clash or go well
together. Be honest, but avoid calling the other person or his
ideas petty, wrong, or anything else derogatory. Frankly discuss
what you cannot tolerate, are indifferent to, or really enjoy.
Where your differences are severe, you must both compromise, or
it could be one very, very long year together. Now is the time
to complete a Roommate Contract. Neither your life-style, nor
that of your roomie, is inherently good or bad, just different.
Tread gently on another's ego.
After You Talk It Out.
Although you have talked out your problems, and maybe made some
compromises, you are far from finished. Keep the lines of
communication open. If something new bothers you, or your
compromises are just not working, talk to your roommate. The
idea is to keep life running smoothly.
Many roommates try to have pre-planned household meetings
periodically (maybe once or twice a month) so they can sit down
over coffee or dinner and talk business. Besides talking about
your personal problems or accomplishments, this is a good time
to decide things like who is going to deal with the landlord
when something needs to be fixed.
Living with someone else is not just a matter of hanging in
there until June. It means really working at having a place you
feel good about coming home to after a long day on campus or at
work.
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