Copyright 2005 Donna Payne

I recently completed a kick-butt piece of compelling sales copy for a business coach, who tried to ‘stay awake during the operation’ and change what I had written.

The section in question was the sub-head title: “Attention: Success Minded Entrepreneurs and Small Business owners”

She changed it to: Attention: Management or technical consultants, CPA’S, Attorney’s, Financial Planners, Nurse Entrepreneurs, Corporate Trainers, Veterinarians, Executive Coaches , Employment Specialist and other Independent Professionals and Small Business Service Professionals.

Aaargh!

What'a mouthful! I quickly wrote and explained that:

1.Adding in the other professionals makes it read like your doing a “roll call”. 2.Your prospect needs to feel like your talking only to him, not a broad list of people or the “shot-gun effect”. 3.It’s no longer scan-able... and hard for the eye to follow. 4.It clutters up the concept and makes it feel awkward. 5.Doesn’t do a thing for your keywords or ranking. 6.Makes you look like a “generalist” not a specialist. Like you’re too eager and want to help everybody. People want to enlist help from a specialist

However: I would strongly suggest doing this: •Having specific SAR (situation, action, result) testimonials from each of those professions. We can place 5-6 testimonials together above your introduction that are from these various individuals…CPA, Veterinarian, Attorney, etc. demonstrating “I fit into this category of solo-pro’s, look at these specific results…I’m sure she can help me too”

•AND if the reader doesn’t feel they fit then that’s ok too. Your copy needs to be clear enough so that people can self qualify and not bother contacting you. I’m sure there’s been an occasion where you’ve really wanted to let a client go and wish you’d never taken them on in the first place. This gives you stronger boundaries and an “out” if you need it.

For example: I only work with Solo-Professionals, Coaches & Therapists. I’m able to take on other clients if I want to, but it eliminates the “Oh, you’re a web designer, can you help me with my website?” from the snake handler down the street. (ok, so that’s an extreme example! But I get requests like that all the time, LOL!) I only want to work with successful professionals who are Coachable and Motivated. I think you do too, right?

Now it’s your turn.

How does YOUR copy read? Do you have a shot gun aimed at every visitor, or laser-focused to your target niche?