Women all over the world experience physical and emotional pain from their abusers. So alone and afraid to tell anyone what is happening. Each time it happens, the numbness is stronger. Emotionally drained--you can't feel the physical pain anymore. Degraded and feeling inadequate you go on. Afraid to leave--afraid of being followed and stalked--afraid you will be destroyed completely. Feeling you will always be in this abusive situation--there is no way out--you want to call it quits for good.

Based on my own personal experiences of abuse, I know what it's like to be a victim of abuse. I felt at one point I couldn't go on. I felt alone and that there was no other way out but to end it all. I had no fight left and gave up. Luckily I did succeed in trying to take my own life. I now was more determined to fight back. How dare he do this to me and get away with it. It was frightening to think of leaving all alone but not as frightening as being abused. I had no self esteem. I felt inadequate and ugly. I was numb. I knew I had to get away before he destroyed any chance I had of living a normal life and a chance of happiness. I made the decision to stand and not be knocked down anymore.

If you are an abused victim, be strong and fight back. There are help hot lines, shelters for battered woman, and help from your local law enforcement agency. Call family or friends. Tell them about your abuser. There are websites to visit to help you understand your feelings and regain your confidence. You don't have to do this alone.

 Plan ahead before you make your move. Have friends or family have personal belongings waiting for you after you leave your abuser.  Have maps, phone numbers, and or directions in tack to safe homes before leaving. You may want to leave that information with someone whom you trust and retrieve it after leaving.  Don't leave while your abuser is there--wait until he is gone.  Don't give him any indication that you plan to leave. Play along to keep him calm.  Have a law officer to go with you or come to the home incase he should return while you are leaving.  If you have to leave your belongings behind in order to be safe, do it. It can all be replaced but your life can't.  If you have no family or friends to stay with, find a safe home.  Don't give out your location or phone number to anyone unless you are certain that they can be trusted.  Always have some one with you when you go out.  Get help from counseling--don't try to face this alone.

I got my life back now but for years I still had nightmares of the abuse. Eventually the nightmares disappeared. All the years of my life wasted because I let it happen to me. The longer you stay in an abusive situation, the harder it becomes to leave and the more pulled down you become. I have accomplished so much now that I am no longer in an abusive situation. I have my self esteem and confidence back. I feel as though I can conquer the world. It's a good feeling.

Phyllis Benton, Living Nightmares of Abuse. Autobiography. An inspirational and emotional story of abuse. Survivor of emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. Book will be available when released through publishamerica and other on line book stores. ISBN # 1-4137-9156-5. http://www.pdbenton.org http://www.freewebs.com/dianesfantasy/

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