22 Feb 2008 08:09:11 | Henry Siegel
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I Survived the Landscape Industry Trade Show Article by Henry
Siegel Copyright © 2003 by ProGardenBiz Summary: Humorous story
about attending an industry trade show. Designed to entertain,
but also to encourage trade show attendance.
THE STORY
This is the city. Any City, Anywhere. Once a year thousands of
professionals from all fields of the Green Industry descend upon
the Convention Center for the Anywhere Landscape Contractor
Industry Trade show. In every state, every year, gardeners,
landscape contractors, nurserymen, lawn care and grounds
maintenance professionals will fill the Great Halls of Commerce.
My name is Joe Friday. This is my partner Pete Gannon. Our job?
To survive the Landscape Industry Trade Show.
Wednesday, April 23rd
10:00am: The doors open. We walk in. We pass through a short
hall pleasantly decorated with plants. Several landscaped
displays with fountains, waterscapes, and ponds line the hall.
We turn the corner and are face to face with the Show
Information Booth. Here they are eagerly handing out maps of the
showroom. We ignore them and pass into the showroom unprepared.
Our first mistake.
10:05am: A whirling, twirling display of color and people
confronts us. A beautiful girl places a Hawaiian lei around my
shoulders. Another is confronting Pete. Someone is explaining
the virtues of a large piece of lawn mowing equipment. I keep my
eye on Pete. They've got a pen in his hand.
11:15am: We managed to break away from Hawaii, but it was
expensive. Our new lawn care equipment trailer arrives next
week. Unless they check Pete's credit. My saving grace.
11:45am: I am spinning a large wheel with numbers on it. To
either side of me Las Vegas type dealers are throwing cards out
to players at a "21" table. Is this legal here?
11:46am: Pete is shouting "Blackjack, Blackjack!!" Someone is
stuffing a package of some kind in my arms. They have my card.
I'm told they will call me next week. Pete is signing some
papers. I grab his collar as the salesman informs him that the
lawn mower and edger will be delivered on Monday. I sigh relief
as I see the salesman putting away the credit agreement. I check
for Pete's wallet. It's still there.
12:00pm: We get into line for lunch.
1:00pm: We pick up our lunch and head for a table. We sit down.
The face across the table is familiar. A salesman! I eat fast.
As I gobble my last bite I notice Pete smearing mustard on his
shirt as he is franticly grabbing at his pen. I grab him by the
ear and leave.
1:30pm: Wandering aimlessly, adrift in a crowd flowing down a
sea of color, suit and ties, pretty girls, and hawking salesmen.
Where's Pete??!!
2:00pm: Found him. Some kind of Wheel of Fortune game. A pretty
girl on either arm. Pens in both hands. We escape in the nick of
time. I think someone is chasing us through the crowd, but I'm
afraid to look back.
2:30pm: My arms feel like lead. I notice large bulging bags
attached to both hands. Bags filled with sample products, PVC
glue, sprinklers, miniature lawn mowers, brochures, pens,
badges, lei's, and business cards. Pete has bags in either hand
also. Filled with contracts, promissory notes, credit
applications, and delivery dates.
3:17pm: My putting is off. I take four strokes to sink a par
three hole. Where am I? Oh, another contest.
4:25pm: I am nodding my head in agreement. An engine roars to
life. I nod again. My hands are firmly stuffed in my pockets.
Someone is tugging on my arm. My hands are slipping. A pen is
wavering in front of my face. PETE! PETE!! Pete is pulling me
away. What's this? Pete is pulling ME away? A salesman in the
background is raving and waving a credit report at Pete. Pete is
hustling me toward the door.
4:45pm: We are nearing the exit. Behind me I hear many people
shouting Pete's name. Sounds like a stampede. I don't look back.
No pillar's of salt for me.
4:55pm: We pass the Information booth on the way out. I notice
the "Just Looking" buttons being offered. Why now? I think I
missed the most important booth.
5:00pm: We reach the truck. With great effort we load our bags
into the back. It's now full. Pete mentions that this was the
best landscaping trade show that we have ever attended.
Landscaping? We're plumbers!
THE OUTCOME
Joe Friday finishes the landscaping trade school he signed up
for and receives his license. His new truck and equipment
arrives. He sells his plumbing business. A year later he is rich.
Pete Gannon changes his name, social security number, and
driver's license. He gets a job at a bank as a loan
representative.
NOTES:
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
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