22 Feb 2008 02:34:28 | Kate Hufstetler
Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If so-- my hat is off to
you!
ADD / ADHD children are brilliant, full of energy, smart as a
whip (as grandma says),
and tons of work. They are also the rising sun and the setting
star: meaning much of
life revolves around them in one way or another. One tactic you
might employ is to: be
your child's best friend.
Hear me out just a bit. I am not promoting parents in "jammies"
all day-- everyday,
messy homes filled with increasing whirlwind clutter that no-one
attends to, nor hot
dogs and pizza nightly just to avoid more arguing with an ADD /
ADHD child.
I am suggesting the reminder we all need with these special
needs children: keep
perspective. And yes-- try thinking along the lines of being
best friends with your child.
Best friends are people who look out for the best interest of
another.
Best friends have a special tolerance for each other.
Best friends set aside time to truly know each other and how
each other thinks and
feels.
Best friends stand up for one-another, for their rights, their
feelings, their health, and
their needs.
Best friends look forward to more time together.
Best friends cherish each other dearly.
Best friends also speak the truth and help guide each other
along the journey of life
together.
Here are more simple reminders that we easily forget when caught
up in our daily
grind. I hope they will help from time to time with your ADD /
ADHD parenting:
* Remember to keep the rules-- but not TOO many rules all at
once... all the time! * Schedule FUN * Stop being organized now
and then to ad-lib and make delight shine for you both
again! * Yes-- even with medicated kids some days are suddenly
going to be worse than
others. * This is physiological-- remember? * You are the expert
in his/her eyes. Provide correction and consequences
accordingly. * Use notebooks, or better yet email, to
communicate with the teacher daily. * It is no fun for the ADD /
ADHD child to be "wrong" or in trouble so much of the day--
catch him/her being good!! * With young ADD / ADHD children try
picture charts on the wall for daily routines to
follow. * Your child needs extra reminders, extra chances, extra
love, and extra
encouragement (so do you!!) * Read The Five Love Languages of
Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. * Know the
educational rights in your school district and utilize each and
every one of
them :-) * Be patient with the child, your mate, and especially
yourself. * Tenderness and politeness goes a long way with these
precious ones. * These kids love to be helpful-- utilize it,
just don't seek perfection :-)
and finally:
** DON'T go It ALONE! Enlist the help of extended family,
friends, neighbors,
associates, playmate families, medical professionals, and
perhaps a coach for sanity.
Two myths that existed when I was a child: The first was that
the parents were always right and had all the answers. The
second one was that "You can have it all, baby".
Well, as a parent-- I know the first is NOT true. And as a
working mom-- the second is
out the door as well (or at least the romanticized fantasy
version of it is).
* You are a parent-- do your best. * Learn every day. * Ask for
forgiveness. * And cherish this relationship.
You can design your life-- You are a parent, and an
individual. You have to pick and
choose which elements will be incorporated within it, and, how
you want it to run.
Your child needs love, fun, consideration, truth, honesty,
openness, and the gentle/firm
guidance that best friend's can give without damaging or
straining the relationship. You
already have so many different hats to wear all day for your
various roles. Being your
child's best friend might simplify some of that. Give it a try.
Enjoy these years and enjoy your ADD / ADHD child !!!!
Until next time--- all the best, Kate
About Author :
Kate Hufstetler is a well established business & personal coach
who has helped 
