21 Feb 2008 02:52:33 | Michael G. Rayel, MD
When driving, we need to check our rear-view mirror every few
minutes to perceive dangers lurking behind — tailgaters,
hecklers, over speeding cars, and drivers under the influence.
Aside from anticipating threats, it helps us contemplate our
next move, giving us enough time to be cautious before
overtaking or stopping or . . . slowing down.
So for safety reasons, the rear-view mirror is essential when
driving. In life, do we need to review the past to safely
navigate the present and future and their unpredictable twists
and turns?
Driving the highway of life is constantly accompanied by
unforeseeable events. A reliable guide to the present and future
is our previous experiences. A good handling of the past can
enlighten us well today.
I know a woman who can’t seem to learn from her past. At a young
age, she has had recurring unfortunate relationships — living in
with men who have bad habits and vices. Abusive and
exploitative, these men left her when she became inconvenient.
Each time, she was left with children to take care of, with more
physical injury, financial burden, and emotional hurts to
endure. One man even sold her soul by forcing her to
prostitution.
So far, she hasn’t reviewed her past and her life. In a few
weeks or months, she will meet the same type of men — abusers
and users.
Life’s patterns and perspective, whether productive or not,
deserve a second look to determine their usefulness. Past
mistakes likewise deserve a review so we can learn from them. An
analysis of the past helps us see our strength in coping with
challenges, losses, and defeats. In a significant way, a life
review teaches valuable lessons better than a classroom.
Some people however are somehow stuck in the past in a harmful
way. They constantly review past mistakes, losses, and problems
without analyzing and realizing what they have learned and how
they can avoid them in the future. They become preoccupied at
the expense of their emotional health. Unable to live fully in
the present, they overwhelm themselves with guilt, blame, and
“what ifs” rumination. They focus on the hurts, tragedies, and
disappointments.
As a result, they need a psychiatrist to help taper their
turbulent emotions. Instead of learning from the past, they
unlearned anything.
I know an elderly man who becomes obsessed with the past. He
blamed his parents for his inability to finish school, blamed
his friends for his low grades, his wife for his bad occupation,
and his co-workers for his misfortunes. When I saw him, he was a
bitter man and full of rage. He later became very depressed.
On further evaluation, I realized that this elderly man could
have done something differently if he bothered to review his
past. He could have corrected his unproductive patterns and ways
early. Almost close to his death bed, it’s now too late.
How can you benefit from the past?
Review your life every few weeks or months. Some people even
benefit from a daily review.
Check for patterns, habits, attitudes, behavior, and mindset
that are counterproductive. Correct those unproductive ways of
living your life. Do you need to change your life’s perspective?
Please do so and do it quick.
Learn from these reviews. These lessons can’t be acquired
through expensive formal education.
Who needs a rear-view mirror? All of us! Only those who don’t
want to have positive change will do otherwise. Remember, living
a life is more important than driving.
Life is the product of actions and reactions interwoven in our
daily existence. Life therefore requires a meticulous review of
the past.
About Author :
Dr. Rayel, author of First Aid to Mental Illness (Finalist,
Reader’s Preference Choice Award 2002), has pioneered the CARE
approach as a first aid for mental health. As an expert and an
award-winning author, Dr. Rayel has appeared on radio and
prominent newspapers. His books are available at www.drrayel.com
and major online bookstores.