A lot of women want to know how to get a man to commit.

Even though we know better, we still believe (consciously or subconsciously) that our purpose in life is to get a man to fork over a two-carat diamond and a house in the suburbs. At the dawn of 2006, this is still perceived as the pinnacle of success for women.

As a result, too many of us stay in relationships that don't make us happy. We tell ourselves that if we say the right thing, do the right thing, buy the right thing, we can get some guy to marry us and validate us in the eyes of our friends, our parents, and society.

We play games with our sexuality. We submit to unnecessary surgeries and wear clothing that make us candidates for pneumonia, all in an effort to hook a man. We have sex not because it's what we want, but because we want to keep a guy's interest. We stop having sex when he doesn't come forth with a ring because, as our mothers told us, "Why buy the cow when the milk's free?"

And, in the end, it usually doesn't work. We don't get the commitment. We wonder why, deep down inside, we are ultimately unlovable.

The reason for it is simple. We don't love ourselves. Heck, we don't even own ourselves. We dress, act, speak, and have sex to please (or manipulate) others. The fact that, at the tail end of 2005, we still use expressions like, "Why buy the cow when the milk's free," is astonishing.

You are not a cow. You are a woman. You will attract a man who will gladly, eagerly commit to you when you start believing that you have a bigger purpose in life than getting married.

This means you:

Dress for yourself, not for someone else.

Stop postponing doing things you want to do because you think you need a guy to do them with (or that you have to "check with" your boyfriend first).

Stop waiting for some guy to commit to you. If he says he's not ready, do yourself a favor and back off. Stop being taken for granted. Make plans that don't include him (this will do one of two things; either he'll realize he can't live without you, or you'll realize he definitely can).

Have sex when it's right and because you enjoy it. Don't use (or not use) your body to "get" a man.

In other words, get a life. Love yourself. Treat yourself as a treasure that has yet to be discovered.

There are plenty of tricks you can use to hook a man, but they usually involve manipulation, deceit, and the loss of yourself. And, while they usually don't work, it's worse when they do. Women who used them tend to be divorced or miserably married today.

So, make a commitment to yourself. Be true to yourself. Value yourself. You will send a signal to men that you are special, different, and worth their time and effort.

One of those men will prove to be worth your time and effort, too.