Embarrassment, humiliation, filthy, unlovable and worthlessness are thoughts that shamed people commonly struggle with. And if this is not bad enough, people struggling with shame believe that their families and friends see them as not good enough, too. They tend to expect negative feedback and ridicule from others. When they do receive praise, they are likely to reject both the praise and the person praising them.

You can overcome shame. The self-inflicted putdown that leaves us believing we are not worthwhile can be stopped by exploring the origins of the emotional pain. The process for healing the shame requires insight, sharing, and compassion.

It is important to your healing to know how your shame began. The distorted mental messages had to come from somewhere and they will need to be eliminated in order to rebuild your self esteem. So, ask yourself: When did your feelings of shame begin? Did they develop as a result of hearing negative comments from condemning authority figures? Were you the innocent victim of someone else's abusive behavior? Any kind of negative experience could be the source of your feelings of low self worth. Don't allow someone else's negative influence determine your reality. This passing on of dysfunction must be stopped. You must do your part to stop it. Decide to clean up your own struggles with shame.

The best way, or should I say the only effective way I know to overcome the emotional pain is to share the experience and the painful feelings with someone you trust. Find yourself a good friend or a counselor to open up to. This can be very frightening to you at first. Talking about unhealed emotional wounds takes a lot of courage. However, by doing so, you will experience great relief and self acceptance. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to confide in someone and not be belittled or rejected.

This experience of recovery will help you face an unpleasant part of your past and use it to develop your own personal growth. You can survive the negative effects of shame if you have the desire and commitment to persevere.

If you refuse to deal with your feelings of shame, you're only prolonging your own unhappiness. I've seen way too many people waste their lives away because they never stood up and dealt with their past. This process is always worse in our minds than it actually is in the healing of these feelings. If you feel that you have suffered long enough, then it's time to make a change.